i've been making lots of soups lately-and making lists of goals/things I want/need in my life to feel a little bit more sane than I've been. A little bit more okay than I've been lately. It's working for the most part. workschoolworkschoolworkschool. i need less drama more alone ok time. band practice has been pretty good.

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seeing you is like feeling like i'm home wherever I am. that's scary sometimes.

when i wonder if you're escaping southbound and maybe being with someone else who's waiting out there i feel like i'm going to puke. probably because this would be the second time that's happened to me without me knowing.

nothing.everything.

it's been so long. It's not that I forgot, more that the longer I waited the more I had to talk about and put into perspective. Sometimes it feels like this whole past year has been one long dialogue between myself and everyone else in my life, when maybe it should have been a monologue. The past couple of months have been an endless stream of skipping class, stumbling into work everyday, traveling to other cities-not in escape, but out of opportunity and in the end necessity. I have all these projects on my plate. SUMMER will arrive soon and I want to A: go on vacation B: finish my projects and C:start filling my school time which will be empty until Fall again, with an internship/volunteer position I care about;taking care of my health again;getting this band off the ground(by the time a drummer even enters the picture we'll already have 5-7 songs).

I can smell summer around the corner already and ever since my snowy, cold new orleans vacation I've refused to wear pants; only shorts//dresses with leggings.

staying up late, it makes me feel like it's summer already, and I will mess up my sheets with the grimy sweat and suntan lotion that will perpetually cover me once it hits 80+ everyday.

'cannibal gays, that, like, eat children'- I just overheard this outside my window. late spring thursday night.

sometimes it seems like I'm always going to be stuck with you leaving and me staying.i just hope that when it gets to be more of that than what it is now, I can cut my losses and walk away while I'm ahead. while I don't feel more for you than I should start feeling.